layoffs suck for everyone involved emotional response to being laid off

Big Tech is going through the biggest wave of mass layoffs since the dot-com bubble burst. While global tech companies like Amazon, Stripe and Twitter were driving the first wave of layoffs last year, 2023 is starting with more bad news for people in tech: Salesforce, Microsoft, Meta and Google are laying off large numbers of their staff to name but a few.

The hardest part is that it seems to hit people at random. Many people who get laid off are high-achievers and over-performers with a long tenure and track record of success. And that’s where it hurts most. If it can hit anyone, what’s all that hard work for?

Layoffs cut deeper than money. Layoffs mess with our sense of belonging and safety. For many, layoffs lead to an existential crisis because all of a sudden the values we thought the company stands for, are kicked out the door. Where is the loyalty? What about trust?

Psychologically speaking, layoffs trigger an emotional journey of grief. And not only for the people who are laid off. The people who remain in the companies also struggle deeply with motivation while they are coming to grips with the loss of colleagues and the uncertainty of what’s to come.

So why do layoffs suck?

In this article I cover the four areas that people struggle with during a layoff:

Layoffs destroy our need for safety

Layoffs mess with our need to belong

Layoffs are confidence killers

Layoffs and your values

What you can do after a layoff

The connection between work and our basic human needs

You have probably heard about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. We seek to satisfy our basic human needs in order to feel safe, connected, happy and thriving. Recently, one of the most important psychological thinkers and researchers of our time, Dr Scott Barry Kaufman, has re-imagined Maslow’s hierarchy of needs based on our current understanding of research in the field. Instead of a pyramid, we now see the basic human needs like a sailboat. In order for a person to thrive in work and life, they need to have a stable boat. In other words, you need your basic needs for safety, connection and self-esteem fulfilled in order to navigate what life throws at you with confidence. Without a stable boat, you can’t raise your sail and thrive in work and life.

How layoffs affect our need for safety

When we put that in the context of work, it becomes clear that work is first and foremost a means to provide us with safety, that is financial safety. While money alone does not make us happy, we need a certain amount of money to satisfy our need for safety. Paid work provides that safety. You show up for work, do a good job and you get paid in return. When you get laid off, that financial safety is taken away. You might have some money in the bank to keep you going, but for most people, the pressure is on straight away to start the job hunt. Without a job, other elements that give us safety are at risk too: the place we call home might not be affordable without a job. Shelter is one of the most basic human needs. Without shelter, wellbeing, autonomy, status and even our sense of identity start to crumble immediately. This is why layoffs cut deeper than money. They are for many an existential threat to the lives they have built. That threat might be temporary, but the impact on psychological wellbeing can be profound. It is quite common to feel anxiety, worry, shock, anger, fear, sadness or even shame and feeling worthless as a response to being laid off. Physical symptoms might also show up as fatigue, headaches, disturbed sleep or having an upset stomach.

It’s important to note that this is not just the case for the people who get that email telling them they have been fired. Mass layoffs also severely affect people who are lucky enough to keep their jobs. Especially when layoffs happen without warning, people who stay start to wonder how long will they be safe. With a lot of uncertainty in the market, this worry can also extend to people working in companies that haven’t even laid off people. The consequence? Many feel anxious because they don’t feel safe.

Layoffs destroy a sense of belonging - for the whole team

Humans are social animals. We thrive when we work towards a common goal together with others. We are at our best in a community where we feel we belong. The team at work is a group that provides us with this connection and sense of belonging. As with everything there are significant individual differences in how important belonging is to people. Some people satisfy their need to belong through a close circle of trusted friends. Others have a greater need to belong and find that with their colleagues at work. What does that mean in terms of the current layoff wave? Some will be impacted more than others. And often, people who have a strong social network through work will feel the loss of belonging strongest.

Surprisingly, the people who stay struggle the most with a disrupted sense of belonging. When a team suddenly loses members to layoff, the remaining team needs to readjust its dynamic. The sense of community, team spirit and invisible bonds are shaken. This will take time to rebuild. And every team member needs to heal from the loss first before they can restart momentum as a team.

Layoffs are a self-esteem killer

The third part of our steady boat that carries us safely through life, is our self-esteem. Self-esteem is our subjective sense of being worthy and valuable. People with healthy self-esteem appreciate and value themselves. Confidence can also be impacted by layoffs. While self-confidence is the belief in your own abilities and capabilities, self-esteem really is about feeling worthy. So how are these two impacted by the current wave of mass layoffs?

It is perfectly possible to get fired and retain your confidence in your work-related skills and talents, but still feel very insecure. Why? Because being fired despite your good work and personal investment in a company has us questioning our worthiness. Layoffs are a killer for our self-esteem. If you are affected and you hear thoughts in your mind that sound a bit like: “I was not deserving of this job in the first place.”, that’s a sign your mind is undermining your own sense of self-worth.

As many people rightly point out on social media right now: your job does not define your worth. You are a valuable member of society and being laid off does not change that.

Layoffs and our values: a complicated relationship

There is one thing that cuts deepest when laid off: the realisation that despite all the hard work you put into that job, despite the loyalty you hold for that company, they just let you go. Without warning. Without conversations. Without any appreciation of you and your work. For many people I work with, the current layoffs are the first time in their careers that they are faced with redundancy. It’s the first time they realise that despite the great marketing talk about company values, they mean very little in the greater scheme of corporate capitalism and profit margins.

When people are faced with a value mismatch like that, their whole world is shaken. When values like trust and loyalty are broken, it can have a profound impact on people’s mental health and seriously undermine their confidence. This is particularly difficult for impact-driven people, people who strongly identify with their company’s culture and people who go through this experience for the first time. If you are going through this right now, consider speaking to a trusted friend or colleague, a mentor or a coach. It is possible to move past this and still stay true to your own values.

What can I do if I was laid off or if my team was let go?

There are 5 things you can do immediately to manage your emotional response to being laid off or losing colleagues to layoffs.

You are worthy. If your self-esteem took a hit, remind yourself that you are worthy. Journaling about your best possible future is an effective strategy to remind your mind that you are more than your job and that you will find happiness and joy again. For 3 - 4 consecutive days, set 15 minutes aside and write about a future in which you are at your best at work. What will you do? How will it feel? What do you and your colleagues work on?

Be compassionate. Now that we know that whatever emotional response you feel is quite normal and in fact very human, it’s time for compassion. For yourself and others affected. It’s ok to feel vulnerable and insecure, angry or sad, indifferent or hopeful. Whatever it is, show compassion to yourself and the people around you that might be at different stages of their grieving process.

Invest in your network. For people with a strong need for belonging it is worth investing in growing your social and professional network. Spend time with friends and family outside of work. Build quality connections that support and inspire you. Companies come and go. The people in your inner circle will always be there.

Get clear about your own values. More and more people are designing a life that is in alignment with their own personal values. It is worth remembering that many companies use values as a marketing and recruitment tool to attract the type of people they feel will contribute the most to the company's success. And that’s ok. Get to know your own values and understand your non-negotiables.

Take control and brush up on your CV. We are living in a world full of uncertainty and constant change. It is normal to feel overwhelmed and not in control. Coach yourself by focusing on the things that are in your control. Take action. Whether that’s updating your CV or investing in building something on the side, taking a long overdue holiday or spending more time with your loved ones: take control over what’s in your control and make that a priority.

You got this!