Do you talk to yourself?
When was the last time you caught yourself talking to yourself? You know, that moment you are doing something that is taking all your focus and you find yourself saying things like: oh come on, you can do this.
Can you remember what you said to yourself?
There are a few options that usually happen:
You talk to yourself in the voice of your mother or father.
Yep, you are not alone - I do that too. When I speak to myself in the voice of my mother it’s usually to push myself beyond some annoying obstacle. Most of the time, it sounds like this: Come on, Claudia, you can do this! I apply this self-talk to get something done that I don’t quite enjoy but have to do anyways.
You question yourself.
When you question yourself, it can sound like this: Why is this happening to me? This is too difficult, I can’t do it. This questioning self-talk tends to happen when we try to do something that is beyond our capabilities, or highly dependent on some external factors that we do not perceive to have much control over. This kind of self-talk can lead you to give up on a task or project.
You swear. Maybe even at yourself.
Happens to the best of us. Frustration is high, tension is overboiling, it’s all getting a bit much and there it is: you are swearing at the universe - or maybe even at yourself. Needless to say, probably the most destructive option in this list so far.
You tell yourself how awesome you are.
When was the last time you spoke to yourself with compassion, love and kindness, like you speak to a child or your beloved pet? When was the last time you spoke to yourself with patience and understanding, to remind yourself about how capable, loving and loveable you are?
Often this loving self-talk seems super weird to do, even though it is the most effective way to talk to yourself.
In psychological terms, this kind of self-talk is called positive affirmations. They work by affirming your self-identity and with that boosting your self-esteem and motivation. They have also shown to help to reduce stress and making it easier to embrace change.
They work by repetition, so here is a recipe for you to practice positive affirmations.
How to write Positive Affirmations
Write down at least 5 positive affirmations for when you are stressed. Start each sentence with: I am…. / I can… / I know… / I have… / I do…
Write down at least 5 positive affirmations for when you doubt yourself.
Identify situations in which you might be stressed and doubtful.
Next time you find yourself with low confidence or in a stressful situation, pull out your list of affirmations and read them out loud to yourself.
The key is to write something down that you believe in. Choose affirmations that are connected to your personal values. Sometimes it helps to think about how your friends and loved ones describe you.
Give it a go next time you catch yourself talking to yourself and change that narrative.
