When change is easier said than done

My summer reads have me musing about change.

There is always something we have on our change agenda.

Get fitter. Loose weight. Be more confident. Communicate better. Stop procrastination. Be more patient.

Every goal we set for ourselves automatically asks us to change. Often, it’s a behavioural change. To get fitter you will need to do more exercise. To be more confident you will have to do things out of your comfort zone. To stop procrastinating you actually have to get on with the things you are putting off.

We all know a person that seems to always achieve their goals. They want to loose weight, so they go on a diet and in a few weeks they have achieved their weight loss goal. A friend wants to move up the career ladder and 5 months later they are promoted.

And we all have (at least) one goal that doesn’t seem to follow this easy path of: set a goal, make some changes, stick with it, job done, success!

I am currently reading a book called the Immunity To Change. The authors have researched the dynamics of change for the last decades and collected some interesting insights:

If you are struggling achieving your goals, most likely:

• you are not doing the things you want to be doing to achieve your goal, and

• you are doing things that you do not want to be doing to achieve your goals

Let’s review this on the example of a fitness goal. If you want to get fitter but it is not happening, here are some examples of things you are not doing to achieve better fitness:

• not exercising enough

• not exercising in the right way for your body’s current fitness level

There are also things that you might be doing that are blocking your progress:

• eating a diet that is not giving you enough energy to exercise

• filling your daily schedule with more important things

So why are we blocking ourselves from changing and instead we actively do things opposite of what we want to achieve?

To find the answer to that question you will need to dig deep and ask yourself:

• Why are you upholding counterproductive behaviours?

• What are you worried about will happen if you stop doing these?

• What secret commitments do you have that have a higher priority than the changes you want to introduce?

In our fitness example, there could be a commitment to care for loved ones first before oneself, leaving no hours or no energy in the day to go for a run. There could also be a fear of exposing oneself to judgement of others, especially when the personal fitness level is experienced as low or uncomfortable.

Often, these hidden commitments, worries and fears are connected to our values and belief system. It can be a challenging process to uncover your inner immunity to change. To uncover your hidden commitments, you will need to be honest with yourself and open to explore your vulnerabilities and flaws.

However, it is a process that rewards you with greater self-awareness, and with new ways of thinking that will allow you to make the changes that you want to make.

Are you ready to uncover you hidden commitments?

References:

Kegan, R., & Laskow Lahey, L. (2009). Immunity To Change. Boston: Harvard Business School Publishing Corporation.